Friday humour!

As a young boy, Joe was obsessed with tractors. He had pictures all over
his bedroom walls, tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, tractor carpet, duvet cover,
the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors.
On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a
Tractor factory and test drive a brand new tractor. His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends.
The great day came and he went to the factory. Unfortunately Something went
wrong with the tractor and it flipped over, breaking his leg. He was so upset and tried to sue the company for negligence. The company would have
none of it and told him there was no liability and he could get lost!
You can imagine he was rather upset with tractors and shed them from his life completely. All the posters came down, the toys were given away! tractors were GONE.

Years later Joe went into a bar. The smoke was terrible and through it he
could see a beautiful girl seated at the bar. Tears were streaming down
her face from all the smoke getting in her eyes. Joe looked around and then
took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked outside and
blew it all out again. He goes back into the bar where the air is now clear
and sweet and sits down next to the girl. “That was amazing!” she said,
“how did you do that?”
“No problem”, said Joe,
“I’m an ex-tractor fan”.

useful work phrases?

1. Ahhh…I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again…
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message…
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable… Time to up the medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room
26. My toys! My toys! I can’t do this job without my toys!
27. It might look like I’m doing nothing but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
28. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
29. Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.