Did You Know…

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that’s more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I’m still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)

The male pray mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.

(“Honey, I’m home. What the….?!”)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes… lucky pig. can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life…quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm……..)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(OK, so that would be a good thing………………..)

A cat’s urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

tick tock tick tock

So at 8 am this morning Allan has already got up to make a cup of tea and then comes back in with the words I think we have a problem. So I’m still all sleepy and thinking oh the shower is cold or something. Oh but no. Just a minor problem with not putting the alarm clock forward along witht he other clocks…
So just an hour late for work then this mornign. gah!

Sydney Mardi Gras 2004

united grrrr
san fran airport grrrr
red carpet lounge reasonable
stupid us customs and immigration even though i was only in transit grrrr
okay so I arrived late and have vowed never to fly united ever again. seriously it’s no wonder they are in chapter 11 bancruptcy protection.
i had of course forgotten to send jo the flight details and so she was waiting folornly at sydney airport for me having taken her morning conference call on her mobile. bless did I ever mention I loved that girl? she’s a star.
We nipped back to Balmain for a quick brunch (although quite what meal it would be for me i’m not really sure) at Jo’s favourite local cafe and i was lusting after the cook/server immediately. welcome to sydney :o)
Whilst Jo rushed to work to catch up on the morning i had made her miss i pottered around Balmain and acclimatised to the sudden onset of summer (although Jo and Michelle kept telling me it had cooled down)
That evening we headed out for food and drinks with Jo’s work mates before heading into town and started where I left off last year at Crown and Oxford for drinks at the Colombian. I really do think it’s my favourite bar, it’s friendly and full of cute guys.
Jo had said she bet me $5 that I would pull within the first 24 hours sadly despite the horny guys I knew better as I had come less than single this year.
So I crashed and burned (jetlag) fairly soon afterwards and we headed back to Balmain for some much needed sleep in a lovely flat bed.
Saturday we hit bondi after a garage sale to get rid of a few extra sofa’s since the girls were moving to Darlinghurst the following weekend (yes to two blocks down from taylor square on the day of mardi gras).
So after some sun and fun in bondi we headed back for another meal out (i’m convinced no one eats in or cooks for themselves in oz) and then more drinks.
On the way back we stopped for pizza in paddington and realised we had completely forgotten about shop! damn so I had missed herb and the boys in drag for the second year in a row.
Sunday was the build up to harbour party (azure) and then after arriving at the party a bit of a blur of retro music including Celine Dion – I drove all night, Barry Manilow – Love is in the air and Randy Crawford – One day I’ll fly away. All very very surreal and yet we danced to all of them. Also bumped into Tony and the boys from last years harbour party but missed Bettina and Margi. All in all a very fun afternoon/evening marred only by the guys asking to borrow a crack pipe at the end of the evening – like do we look like we smoke crack? Next year we have decided just to hire a yaught and moor off the party like the other beautiful sydneysiders who had failed to get tickets had done.
So without any of the after parties or other fun of last year (fnar) we headed back to Balmain for some hard earned rest.
Monday I managed to wander around Balmain and do some mundane grocery shopping and the like, although it seems much more glam to be doing it in Balmain than Balham. Also a quick trip into town to ensure I remmebered the bus route for when the kiwi boys arrived.
Monday night was spent in front of the TV with popcorn and the Oscars. Noozleland sweeped the board and we were dreading the kiwi’s arrival by this point. When the nice australian man Adam Elliot won his and thanked his beautiful boyfriend Dan we all laughed heartily. It’s amazing the storm in some of the papers caused by that the following day. As Mr Elliot pointed out everyone else was thanking their wives and partners why should he be any different?
Tuesday was another trip into Sydney for relaxed shopping and coffees whilst trying to catch up with Gary from Christchurch who was over for a conference for the start of the week. Failing to catch up with him I returned to Balmain. A few cosmo’s later and Michelle and I were more than a little merry. By the time Jo got home we were watching ‘The Bill’ and giggling so we decided food would be a good idea and went for a meal in Balmain. Another bottle of wine later we were all more than merry and stopped for ice cream at Gelatisimo where the two boys behind the counter made a play for one (or all) of us we weren’t quite sure. Neither of them was over 18 though so none of us were that fussed.
Wednesday was the arrival of Dave from Wellington. So after a wander around town and a coffee or two we checked into the lovely Macquarie Hotel. Tanya the lovely lady from accommodation however had some bad news in that the wonders of internet bookings and real systems did not match up and we may not have a room for the entire period. Not good when I was trying to stay out of the girls way pending their move to Bourke Street. Still not to worry. We figured we could wing it with friends if we got really stuck.
Staying centrally meant we had plenty of time to wander up and down Oxford St and Pitt St without the hassle of a bus ride or train journey in.
So after meeting up with Dave we ended up at circular quay for a brief sunbathe and to soak up some of the view. You still can’t beat the view of the Opera House and the Harbour Bridge. It’s one of the best sights and most recognisable too.
Thursday was Pam Ann and the Imperial Having seen her on a tiny stage in the corner of the 2 Brewers it was quite a shock. She had an entire stage to herself and a group of dancing boys :o) She was also sponsored up to the preverbial hilt. We followed the show with a trip to The Imperial where the boys watched dodgy caberet in the back bar and I caught up with Bettina and Margy in the front bar.
Friday was… wagamama?
The day of Mardi Gras arrived and Gary and I wandered into town despite the rain. We headed over to Jo’s new pad to see the place. They were moving in so we helped a bit and dried off. Then wandered for beers to The Colombian. We made some new friends and got merry. A few beers later and we got frisky (but not as bad as last year. We went back to the hotel to get showered and changed before heading back up the road. Our new mates were shocked to see us back so soon – they expected us to be shagging or something 😉
Then we met the others at Daves cousins new pad conveniently located above Starbucks on Oxford St a few paces from our favourite bar! The rain was torrential but we ventured with others to the roof terrace to watch the parade every now and then instead of out the window. Talk about rain on the parade!
Back to the hotel for another change and then hailing a cab (you would think that was easy but oh no…) before the maddness that is Sydney Lesbian & Gay Mardi Gras.
More to come.